A clash of beliefs... A rage of emotions... An inbalance of ideals... What do you do when you realize that you and a close friend are thinking compleltely different about something, about each other. One of you is, one of you isn't. One of you wants it, one of you doesn't. One of you thought that, one of you didn't.
Okay, I shouldn't lie. I knew. I really, really knew. But I didn't realize that by knowing and that by ignoring I could hurt. I didn't realize what I was doing was wrong. I hurt you. I actually hurt you. For that, I am sorry.
I hope, I hope that one day you will forgive me and that we can put this behind us and be friends. I really want that. But, I suppose, before you can forgive me, I have to forgive myself. And I don't know how to do that.
You taught me a lesson. A lesson that will be probably be valuable to me throughout this coming year, and throughout the rest of my life. Somebody needed to teach me. Nobody could have or would have. But you did; thank you.
I really do honestly care about you. I am sorry that we didn't feel the same, but I am glad to have known you. One day, you will make a man very happy, and you should be proud.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Right or Wrong
Okay, something happened a few months ago. And I felt incredibly guilty about it. Feeling that it was the right thing to do, I came clean about my sins.
I. Am. Such. A. Dumbass.
Why did I do that!? I just ruined relationships for no necessary reason. It may have been the right thing to confess but it was such a stupid thing to do. I hope nothing bad comes of this or Satan will be forced to punish me with his overwhelmingly large penis.
Wait, did I just say that?
I. Am. Such. A. Dumbass.
Why did I do that!? I just ruined relationships for no necessary reason. It may have been the right thing to confess but it was such a stupid thing to do. I hope nothing bad comes of this or Satan will be forced to punish me with his overwhelmingly large penis.
Wait, did I just say that?
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Year 12
Alright Scotty, this a new year at school. Great, a whole new year of being unbelievably confused during class, deathly bored during interval and lunch time and then failing all of my exams. This year, like every other year, I've made a resolution to actually try at school. Although, I already I know I'm not going to. I think this year is going to be even more relaxed then last year and I will pay the price for it at the end of the year when I am faced with a bunch of exams that I can't possibly achieve. It all comes down to who is in my classes with me. Say for example, if I have Hamish or Fflur in a class that is pretty much an instant fail. However if I am with Melissa, she will make me work hard and I will probably do well.
Let's see, I can pretty much have anybody in English with me as everybody in year 12 takes it. I'm hoping for somebody like Jack though because it would be nice to recreate a relationship with him. If not Jack, Simon would be great too. I had Simon on my English class during year 11 and that was fun although I had (and he probably did too) bigger things to worry about so I never really bothered with our relationship.
In Mathematics I can't really have many people other than Melissa or Fflur. One of them would be nice. I definately wouldn't want to be with both of them because that would make a third-wheel and I so don't want to go there. It's sort of a toss-up whether I want to be with Melissa for the hard-working thing or with Fflur for the fun.
In Biology I definately want to be with Hamish. I love this guy. He's so much fun. This is the only subject that we're both taking (other than English) and I really hope that we're in the same class.
For Physics I want to have either Melissa or Fflur. If I have Melissa in Mathematics, I'd like Fflur in Physics and vice versa. I wouldn't mind lots of Melissa nor would I mind lots of Fflur as I love them both to pieces. But it's nice to have a balance, right?
Chemistry is a bit of a tough one. Fflur is also taking Chemistry but I may already have a lot of classes with Fflur. And I do want to pass at least some of my classes this year. I wouldn't necessarily mind being alone for one of my classes, it would give me a chance to meet some new people. Or it would just make me sit in a corner by myself and quietly do my work. Meh.
As far as Drama goes, I don't really want to be with Simon, Nathaniel or Jed. They all outclass me and I would feel like I'm holding them back. I would definately like to be with Adele and Jack (no offence, guys) and maybe even Melissa. Even though Melissa is like top-of-the-class at Drama, I still feel very comfortable being with her in a group. I dunno what it is.
What about friendships? Remember when I was really good friends with Simon? And with Jack? No, neither. It seems so long ago now. Now that things have settled down with Nathaniel and I, I think it's a good time to re-establish my relationship with them and possibly even build it on them. It would be nice to friends with the WHOLE group rather than just really good friends with half and then ignore the other half. That wasn't really a good thing to do.
Aaaand romance? I would definately like some more romance this year. My relationship with Alisha last year was a bit dull but I would love to get a new girlfriend (or boyfriend) this year. Hopefully it will be more exciting than the Scalisha relationship and hopefully it will last longer.
Okay, that's all I really have to say for this year so far. So, good bye, happy new year.
Let's see, I can pretty much have anybody in English with me as everybody in year 12 takes it. I'm hoping for somebody like Jack though because it would be nice to recreate a relationship with him. If not Jack, Simon would be great too. I had Simon on my English class during year 11 and that was fun although I had (and he probably did too) bigger things to worry about so I never really bothered with our relationship.
In Mathematics I can't really have many people other than Melissa or Fflur. One of them would be nice. I definately wouldn't want to be with both of them because that would make a third-wheel and I so don't want to go there. It's sort of a toss-up whether I want to be with Melissa for the hard-working thing or with Fflur for the fun.
In Biology I definately want to be with Hamish. I love this guy. He's so much fun. This is the only subject that we're both taking (other than English) and I really hope that we're in the same class.
For Physics I want to have either Melissa or Fflur. If I have Melissa in Mathematics, I'd like Fflur in Physics and vice versa. I wouldn't mind lots of Melissa nor would I mind lots of Fflur as I love them both to pieces. But it's nice to have a balance, right?
Chemistry is a bit of a tough one. Fflur is also taking Chemistry but I may already have a lot of classes with Fflur. And I do want to pass at least some of my classes this year. I wouldn't necessarily mind being alone for one of my classes, it would give me a chance to meet some new people. Or it would just make me sit in a corner by myself and quietly do my work. Meh.
As far as Drama goes, I don't really want to be with Simon, Nathaniel or Jed. They all outclass me and I would feel like I'm holding them back. I would definately like to be with Adele and Jack (no offence, guys) and maybe even Melissa. Even though Melissa is like top-of-the-class at Drama, I still feel very comfortable being with her in a group. I dunno what it is.
What about friendships? Remember when I was really good friends with Simon? And with Jack? No, neither. It seems so long ago now. Now that things have settled down with Nathaniel and I, I think it's a good time to re-establish my relationship with them and possibly even build it on them. It would be nice to friends with the WHOLE group rather than just really good friends with half and then ignore the other half. That wasn't really a good thing to do.
Aaaand romance? I would definately like some more romance this year. My relationship with Alisha last year was a bit dull but I would love to get a new girlfriend (or boyfriend) this year. Hopefully it will be more exciting than the Scalisha relationship and hopefully it will last longer.
Okay, that's all I really have to say for this year so far. So, good bye, happy new year.
Happy New Year
ZOMG! Guess who cried 10573 times last year? Yes, yes, "Sugar" from Survivor did. But who else? Yes, I did. Yep, it sure was an emotional year for me. Not only did I cry 10573 times but I also destroyed my room out of rages 1512 times and found myself uncontrollably happy 3844 times. Hmmm, strange...
What did I do on New Year's Eve? Played Eternal Sonata. That's right, I played videogames. My mum ditched me to go have crazy drunk sex with Jon so I was left all alone. I didn't mind, I got to finish Eternal Sonata. It was a good game, it confused the hell out of me, but it was a good game. Missionaries came a'knocking and gave me a speech about Jesus Christ. Yes, I cried. And yes, I cried again when they left. And then I cried a couple more times when I realized that the two random missionary girls were the only people who had been nice to me all day. I don't blame the missionaries, they didn't know I was a bitch. If they had, I'm certain they would have shunned me just as much as everyone else did that day.
What goes around comes around, Scott. I certainly learned that the hard way last year when my bitchiness got reflected right back at me in a flaming spiral of chaos. After years of me being a complete bitch to everyone in the world with no consequences, I finally got what was coming to me last year when everybody started to retaliate. If I was a bitch, they were a bitch back. If I did something wrong, I got ignored or yelled at. I was rather shocked, really. When everybody started to get really upset, I thought "Hmmm... Maybe, I shouldn't be a bitch" so I tried not being a bitch a couple of times throughout the year, but of course, I failed miserably. Asking me not to be a bitch is like asking men to give birth. Maybe this year, I will be able to change. I can go for a bitchless Scotty. I dunno, I'll give it a try.
HIGHLIGHTS: Well, I've got to start with VERONICA MARS!!! I love this show to bits and those few weeks where I watched the whole thing with my brother were some of the best weeks last year. I'm so glad I got to see the awesomeness that is Veronica Mars. While we're talking about TV shows, I also loved watching Buffy and Angel for the 52nd time. I really see them in a different light now that I'm older, especially Angel. I found myself making fun of it more and more because let's face it, the majority of these shows is complete crap. GEOGRAPHY! No, not for the actual geography (who the fuck cares about THAT?) but all the fun times making fun of the Orc, discussing the attractiveness of fictional lions (LAURA!) and reading Twilight. (Speaking of Twilight, has anybody seen the movie? It was amazing. Oh no, wait, it wasn't.) Meeting new friends was another highlight last year such as; Emily, Fflur and of course, Melissa. I love these girls and I'm so happy that I didn't have anybody else to sit next to in science class. I think the biggest highlight and most obvious was Alisha. Alisha was the main reason that this last year was so fantastic. I really loved having somebody that I was so close with and I miss that. But who knows what will happen this year?
LOWLIGHTS: I'm sorry Nathaniel, I love him, but our relationship was AWFUL. He was probably the biggest reason behind those 10573 cries, 1512 outrages and 3844 happy moments. I never want to be "BFF" with somebody ever again because frankly, being that close with someone completely destroyed me, and possibly him. The other lowlight was Jon from England. Not his fault, he's nice and I like him, it's just he comes along and steals my mum away from me, of course I'm gonna hate him. Because now I'm alone, no "BFF", no mum, no brother... Oh well, at least now I can build on relationships that weren't doing too hot like the one with my dad or with friends that I never really talked to lately such as Jed, Simon and Jack.
What did I learn last year? Well I learned a lot about karma. All that treat others who you would like to be treated and junk that you were taught in primary but never actually believed was important. Turns out, it's very important. I also learned a lot about myself and about what I like and don't like in myself and in other people.
2008 = Pretty fantastic year with a couple of bad drawbacks.
2009 = This year, I would really like to work on repairing old relationships and building new ones with other people. We'll see how it goes, eh?
What did I do on New Year's Eve? Played Eternal Sonata. That's right, I played videogames. My mum ditched me to go have crazy drunk sex with Jon so I was left all alone. I didn't mind, I got to finish Eternal Sonata. It was a good game, it confused the hell out of me, but it was a good game. Missionaries came a'knocking and gave me a speech about Jesus Christ. Yes, I cried. And yes, I cried again when they left. And then I cried a couple more times when I realized that the two random missionary girls were the only people who had been nice to me all day. I don't blame the missionaries, they didn't know I was a bitch. If they had, I'm certain they would have shunned me just as much as everyone else did that day.
What goes around comes around, Scott. I certainly learned that the hard way last year when my bitchiness got reflected right back at me in a flaming spiral of chaos. After years of me being a complete bitch to everyone in the world with no consequences, I finally got what was coming to me last year when everybody started to retaliate. If I was a bitch, they were a bitch back. If I did something wrong, I got ignored or yelled at. I was rather shocked, really. When everybody started to get really upset, I thought "Hmmm... Maybe, I shouldn't be a bitch" so I tried not being a bitch a couple of times throughout the year, but of course, I failed miserably. Asking me not to be a bitch is like asking men to give birth. Maybe this year, I will be able to change. I can go for a bitchless Scotty. I dunno, I'll give it a try.
HIGHLIGHTS: Well, I've got to start with VERONICA MARS!!! I love this show to bits and those few weeks where I watched the whole thing with my brother were some of the best weeks last year. I'm so glad I got to see the awesomeness that is Veronica Mars. While we're talking about TV shows, I also loved watching Buffy and Angel for the 52nd time. I really see them in a different light now that I'm older, especially Angel. I found myself making fun of it more and more because let's face it, the majority of these shows is complete crap. GEOGRAPHY! No, not for the actual geography (who the fuck cares about THAT?) but all the fun times making fun of the Orc, discussing the attractiveness of fictional lions (LAURA!) and reading Twilight. (Speaking of Twilight, has anybody seen the movie? It was amazing. Oh no, wait, it wasn't.) Meeting new friends was another highlight last year such as; Emily, Fflur and of course, Melissa. I love these girls and I'm so happy that I didn't have anybody else to sit next to in science class. I think the biggest highlight and most obvious was Alisha. Alisha was the main reason that this last year was so fantastic. I really loved having somebody that I was so close with and I miss that. But who knows what will happen this year?
LOWLIGHTS: I'm sorry Nathaniel, I love him, but our relationship was AWFUL. He was probably the biggest reason behind those 10573 cries, 1512 outrages and 3844 happy moments. I never want to be "BFF" with somebody ever again because frankly, being that close with someone completely destroyed me, and possibly him. The other lowlight was Jon from England. Not his fault, he's nice and I like him, it's just he comes along and steals my mum away from me, of course I'm gonna hate him. Because now I'm alone, no "BFF", no mum, no brother... Oh well, at least now I can build on relationships that weren't doing too hot like the one with my dad or with friends that I never really talked to lately such as Jed, Simon and Jack.
What did I learn last year? Well I learned a lot about karma. All that treat others who you would like to be treated and junk that you were taught in primary but never actually believed was important. Turns out, it's very important. I also learned a lot about myself and about what I like and don't like in myself and in other people.
2008 = Pretty fantastic year with a couple of bad drawbacks.
2009 = This year, I would really like to work on repairing old relationships and building new ones with other people. We'll see how it goes, eh?
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